At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found the puke drawer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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