super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
