everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
high people should be assigned attendants
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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