True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
