had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
