Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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