Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.