Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!