Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
