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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?