Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.