there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?