ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
