you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
