Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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