do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
