I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
