he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's always time for handjobs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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