I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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