Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
