last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
