apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
