I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
they're like a gay fantastic four
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
