I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize