And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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