he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
