Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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