You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
