I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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