omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
