i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
