i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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