dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
