And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
