FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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