You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
