Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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