Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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