Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
