oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize