I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
