Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
