I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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