So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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