i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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