She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
