I met the friendliest cop last night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
MIDGETS
????
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
