Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
