...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
