Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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