If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
His nipple licking is glorious
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