I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
