I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
