No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
