we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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