she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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