so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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