just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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