I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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