is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
