please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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